Ask England
by Captain Happiness
Summary: No, your eyes do not deceive you. I, Arthur Kirkland, am taking questions, letters and statements of fact. In essence I'm taking whatever you can throw my way, though I must request you don't send parcels. Yes, I'm talking to you, Francis .
1. Prologue

Greetings all,

Indeed, your eyes do not deceive you. I, Arthur Kirkland, living personification of Great Britain, am now accepting letters. Why, you ask? Well obviously you've no interest in hearing my entire life story (after all, I doubt you _have_ thousands of years spare), but suffice it to say that I am never, ever going drinking with my brothers (and a goat) again.

So whilst I am held prisoner by no little trepidation I cordially invite you to send in your queries and your curiosities. I await them with bated breath.

Yours,

Arthur Kirkland.


	2. Waiters and Poodles

**Dear Iggy,**

**DUDE, YOU'RE TAKING LETTERS? **

**I never thought you'd learn how to use a computer! Hahaha!**

**And dude, Tony totally saw you drunk the other night! He filmed you and showed me, you looked out of your head, dude! I mighta died laughing at you, y'know, are all british people that weird? **

**Pffft! **

**From,**

**THE HERO, AMERICAAAAAAAAA!**

Alfred,

Firstly yes, I am quite obviously taking letters. Congratulations – I never thought you'd learn how to read.

Secondly, I have no idea what you're talking about. Kindly stop slandering my good name – it's bad enough that I'm associated with you without you lying about me to boot. Would that you had died laughing though, perhaps that way I might finally get some peace. But for the record, British people are not weird. Nor, by the way, do they all have bad teeth.

The same to you…git.

Sincerely,

Arthur (_not_ Iggy! That is not my name, so kindly stop addressing me by it.)

**Iggy! x333 How nice of you to answer some questions! I will enjoy this very much *rubs hands together* Mhuahahahaha!**

**1. Why won't you drink with your brothers anymore?**

**2. You're held prisoner? By who and why?**

**3. Italy says hi! (not really a question.. but still ,)**

**Ok, that's it for now. But I SHALL be back! *epic magic poof***

Good afternoon um…miss, I assume?

My brothers….well. My brothers tend to be rather creative with their drinking games, and the ensuing humiliation isn't worth the alcohol.

I…sorry? Oh, I see. It's a figure of speech – held prisoner by no little trepidation. It means I'm somewhat worried about what sort of questions will come through.

He does? Well…hello to him, I suppose.

I'm glad to hear it, thank you for your questions.

Sincerely,

Arthur.

**Bonjour mon ami~**

**What are you saying? Sending parcels? Moi? Don't be ridiculous!**

**A little bird told me you are answering questions!**

**Ohonhonhon~ this shall be fun.**

**Une - Do you still 'ave that waiters costume you wore pour moi with christmas?**

**Deux - Amerique asked if it is ok to throw a party in your holiday home! But**

**since you are held captive... or somezing... we shall leave the mess for you,**

**non?**

**Au revoir Angleterre~**

Francis,

Why do you insist on tormenting me like this? Oh, and don't you dare try and act innocent. You tried to mail yourself to me once and I haven't forgotten it. It was years before I could go near a parcel again. **shudders**

One – I, um…I don't know what you're talking about. I don't own a waiter costume.

Two - No it is not bloody okay! Don't you dare! I swear if you break any of my tea sets I _will_ turn you into a poodle, don't think I won't.

Arthur.

P.S – I'm not joking. Go anywhere _near_ my holiday home and I will turn you into a poodle.


	3. Chowder and Key Lime Pie

**Fine! Dear ARTIE,**

**Dude, that's totally not fair. And besides, you were in charge of helping me learn to read, right? So it's your fault! Hahaha!**

**And it was like, a... a 'figure of speech', yeah. I couldn't ACTUALLY die,**

**dude, that's crazy! 'Cuz I'm the hero! **

**From,**

**THE HERO. :D**

Alfred,

My name is not "Artie" either. You know perfectly well what my name is, kindly use it.

I think it's very fair. And whilst I know that it was my job to teach you how to read, there was only so much I could do - you were an absolute terror of a child.

For once you're right – you can't die. At least, not in the traditional sense. Isn't it a pity? On the other hand, that gives me a lot more options, doesn't it? Remember, I grew up alongside my brothers…like them I can be rather creative when it suits me. Spain can attest to that. :grins: Ah, for the days of the Armada.

Sincerely,

Arthur.

**Hello, England.**

**This is Maine, that often-forgotten northern state from "New England", which**

**ya should know, is nutin' like ya.**

**Do ya have chowdah ovah in England? If so, it can't beat mine.**

**Oh, an before I go, I AM NOT MASSACHUSETS! He is my brothah, I am not him.**

**Yours not-so-truly,**

**Abigail M. Jones (Maine)**

Dear Abigail,

Hello there – it's been a while. I'm fully aware that you're nothing like me – for one thing you're female. Joking aside, that's a rather large difference.

No, we don't have chowder over here. I…well, I can't think of something we have that's anything like chowder actually. Perhaps it's because we don't have your type of clam.

Believe it or not, at least on paper I can tell the difference between you and Massachusetts.

Yours not-so-sincerely (two can play at _that_ game),

Arthur.

**Dear Arthur**

**I'm sorry if my mom annoys you, America can be pretty unpredictable, and I would love to send you some of my infamous Key Lime pie, oh well, anyway, I would love to have some advice on confessing my love to Russia, if you don't then I will ship France to your location in a heartbeat.**

**Signed**

**Tsuki M. Florida Jones**

Florida,

Your…mother? You mean Alfred? I…my dear, you realise that I'm never going to let Alfred live this down. Many thanks for that. And whilst I'm sure your Key Lime pie is delicious, Francis has scarred me enough that I don't wish to receive overseas parcels. Apologies.

As for your love for Russia…well, I must confess I'm surprised, but who am I to judge? I suppose the first step is to ascertain whether or not he feels the same way. Please don't ship France over here – the channels barely wide enough as it is – if the wind's high enough I can smell his ridiculous perfume.

Thank you for your letter,

Yours,

Arthur.

**Arthur,**

**I am not tormenting you, cher. It is totally legal for me to be here. Aaah**

**wait, I remember the parcel incident now. That was fun! I 'ave never seen your**

**face turn so many colors in 5 minutes except from that night at Alfred's place**

**ohonhonhon~**

**Bien, bien.. I will not go near your holiday home. Though I'd make a beau**

**poodle, non?**

**Ooh Angleterre you know very well which waiters costume I mean or do you want**

**me to get the pictures?**

**Let's do that again sometime, non? *winks***

**Francis**

Francis,

Kindly bugger off. I'm almost certain that you'd make a spectacularly ugly poodle, but if I were to turn you one I'd make sure to dye you green.

I….um…I don't know what pictures you're referring to. Or what you're talking about in fact.

Besides, it's all your fault. If you pin me down and pour alcohol down my throat I can hardly be expected to act rationally, can I? It was practically harassment.

No. Never again. In fact, just to make sure I'm abundantly clear – Non, certainement pas vous la grenouille stupide. Am I understood?

Arthur.


	4. Whoopie Pies and Possible Pairings

**England,**

**Ya don't have CHOWDAH? Seriously? Not even that crummy canned kind? I can't believe I'm saying this, but you'll have to visit. I know all the best places to get mah specialty!**

**How 'bout whoopie pies? Ya got any of those?**

**Ya can tell I'm not Mass? Really? Even Mom has trouble with dat. No kidin', ta half mah siblings, I'm either Mini Mass or a part of Uncle Canada.**

**Not-so-kindly from (beat that, scone eater! :P)**

**Maine**

Maine,

No, I don't have chowder. Well, for all I know at least – there are probably various tinned varieties floating around the supermarkets. It's not something we usually eat, at any rate.

And no, but I've certainly heard of them.

Look, it's not difficult to tell that you're not Massachusetts. For one thing you've signed your name as "Maine". That's a hint, surely. I make no promises that I wouldn't make the same mistake in person.

**Dear Eyebrows, (Haha, is that ok?)**

**-pouts- Hey! I wasn't a bad kid, was I? I mean, if I was, you totally wouldn't**

**have cried so much when I left ya!**

**And... you'd actually... be happy if I died?**

**From,**

**The Hero.**

Alfred,

"Eyebrows"? That is most certainly not okay. At all. To be honest I'd probably prefer even "Artie" to that. But that does _not_ mean you call me Artie either!

Yes, you were an awful child. An utter savage, in fact.

And I wasn't crying. I…uh…it was raining, remember? It was raining...that's all it was.

And of course I wouldn't be happy. I mean, I'd get some peace, but that's not to say I'd actually….well, what I mean to say is…

Oh, bugger this for a lark. You think what you want.

Arthur.

**I am American: If ARTIE is taking questions from the readers, I'd like to ask him a few: **

**1. Do you miss America? Cause you seem really ticked off whenever he's**

**around... And I know that you must like him a little because you didn't shoot**

**him. :) **

**... I guess that's it. So only one question.**

**PEACE OUT!**

**American Girl**

American Girl,

Poor thing. I am indeed taking questions from the readers – anything's better than talking to Francis, surely.

…But not that one. I, um…he's an idiot. And a git. And an arse. And I don't like him. But at the same time he….

Damn it. Why did you have to ask me that?

Arthur.

**Angleterre~**

**Ooh I love it when you speak French to me! Makes you so much cuter.**

**I will not bugger off, mon cheri. I need all zis information on you for..**

**uh... let's call it 'information manipulation activities'.**

**I also send you ze photo I was talking about. Perhaps you remember now? And I**

**might have done zat... but I enjoyed it very much! **

**Vos mots d'insulte ne me rejondre Angleterre~**

**Salut!**

Francis,

And what, exactly, are you implying? I'm not your "cheri", by the way. Never have been, never will be. And if you're trying to tell me that you plan to blackmail me with anything revealed through these questions you have another think coming. Don't make me cut off all your hair (and I'll do it too!).

I received the photo. And promptly burned it. I….um…you must have edited in, somehow. I can assure you I never did…_that_. Not knowingly, at any rate. You didn't spike my drink, did you?

Va te faire foutre, Francis.

Arthur.

_**OOC: Goodness, I spy pairings on the horizon. Which has me torn, I can assure you, because I ship both FrUK and USUK (or, indeed, UKUS!). Well – we'll see how it goes, hm? I'd just like to thank everybody who has sent in questions – it's really appreciated. And I know I'm updating a hell of a lot at the moment, but that's mostly because after this weekend I don't know if or when I'll be able to. **_

_**So if you have questions to be answered by my dear country – send 'em in, my friends! :D **_


	5. Heroes and Sealand

**Arthur,**

**I am implying zat you have not been cute since you were a little nation... or when you have a cold and can shut your potty mouth.**

**Et tout le monde est ma cherie, Angleterre~**

**I can assure you I have not edited zat photo. It was the christmas I tried to ruin by getting everyone naked.. and you... yes read well, YOU, toi, dared me to a show-down.**

**By ze way, what is Alfred doing here? Amerique.. if you read this, you were a horrible kid. (because he did not choose me!)**

**Beaucoup d'amour,**

**Francis**

Francis,

You're bloody infuriating sometimes, you know that? And everyone else might be your cheri, but I most certainly am not.

Dare I ask what manner of show-down this was?

Alfred? I…well. He's not here now, quite obviously. But he's just as much at liberty to send me letters as you are, frog. Though I agree, he was a horrible child. All I can say for him is that he had decent taste in guardians.

Pas d'amour,

Arthur.

**Well, okay then, UNCLE EYEBROWS.**

**Nevah thought ya t' be the rude type, wit your country bein' know fo' its**

**manners and crap. Sorry for tryin' ta be nice t' ya.**

***Sighs* A Whoopie Pie is a special type of chocolate cake, ya take two pieces**

**and make a sandwich out of them, wit vanilla cream frostin' in da middle. It's**

**a Maine desert.**

**Naw, it's cool. No one evah can tell us apart, even if Massie is about 100**

**times ruder.**

**Maine**

Maine,

What on earth are you talking about? I'm sure I wasn't rude…at least not deliberately so. If I was I apologise, of course, but I fail to see how I might have offended you.

Well. That doesn't sound half bad, actually. I might have to see if I can make one at some point.

Yours,

Arthur.

**Dear Artie,**

**But... you totally said you loved me, an' all. And I thought I was good! I didn't even say your cooking sucked!**

**And cool, 'cus I totally knew you wouldn't be happy! ^^ Who else would be your hero? :D**

Alfred,

What? When? When have I _ever_ said that to you? And you weren't good. My cooking, for your information, does not, as you so eloquently put it, "suck". You had no problem with eating it when you were a colony, might I remind you.

…What do you mean, "my hero"?

Arthur.

**Dude! Hi!**

**How've you been, Iggy? I've been super great. Except, it's cloudy. I really**

**should go back to Spokane and see if it's sunnier there, but I guess I'll stay**

**here in Seattle for now... Oh, now I'm going on about nothing...**

**Soooooooo, what's up?**

**Okay, talk to you later.**

**~Washington (Sophia Jones)**

Sophia,

Hello there. I've been fine, thank you for asking. I sympathise with you about the clouds – it's a relatively clear night out here in Blighty, but I'm no stranger to mist, fog, rain and all manners of cloud.

As of now there's nothing much, um…up. Alfred and France are idiots, but that's the norm around here…it's all relatively quiet. But at least I've got these letters to occupy myself with. Not that I don't have paperwork to do what with the global economy crashing and burning, but quite frankly it's ever so boring and this is a lot more interesting.

Yours,

Arthur.

**Just another letter writer:England,**

**Hi! So anyways I was just wondering if you could let me borrow Busby's chair. There's a certain pervert who's been bothering me for a while and I need to find a way to get rid of him. I'm sure you can relate; he's a lot like France, maybe even worse.**

**Out of curiousity, have you and Japan ever gotten into a fight about whether ninjas or pirates are better? I've always supported ninjas and I was extremely disappointed when I found out you used to be a pirate.**

**So where did you learn to cook from? Or did you teach yourself?**

**Sincerely, **

**An American who wished she was British instead**

Hello there,

Whilst I sympathise with you, I'm loath to give such a powerful item to someone who might no know how to use it. I'm afraid the answer is no, but blunt implements seem to be equally good deterrents – just hit him until he gives up. Or falls unconscious – whichever happens first.

I've never spoken with Japan on that particular subject, though I'm certain that pirates are infinitely better than ninjas.

I'm not entirely sure where or when I learned to cook. I imagine at some point somebody must have taught me, but I can't for the life of me remember who.

Sincerely,

Arthur.

**Dear Arthur**

**I see you plan on blackmailing mom, well, have fun with that dude, darn it, I let my American side take over, I spend to much time with that bloody baka of a mom, oh fudge, now my Japanese and British sides are coming out, at least my Spanish side barely comes out anymore, and I am happy I don't have a French**

**side, I do not want to be like that stupid pervert, and I'm going to follow your advice, and I'm going to deliver that pie personally, so you don't have to worry about France, and why are you so mean to Sealand? He is a very young Micro-nation that wants to become a country, I was thinking of a way to help him out by expanding his homeland, and adding some nature to it, I believe that may work, do you think that will get him acknowledged?**

**Signed**

**Tsuki M Florida Jones**

**P.s: Want to know what the M. in my name stands for?**

Tsuki,

To be honest I'm more curious about your Japanese side – how and when did that occur?

As for Sealand, good luck with putting nature into his homeland. I'm not sure if you're clear on the subject, but Sealand is in fact a fort. There's not much nature to be had on large, metal forts. But do as you will – there's little hope of him being recognised. He has an official population of four, no matter what he claims.

Yours,

Arthur.

P.S Very well, why not?

**Dear England,**

**I went to England. It rained alot. Is that why your so cranky~? Oh, I also**

**asked my friend about what british food is good and then she started laughing**

**about 'rocks' and 'burnt to a crisp' I don't get it...**

**Nezumi**

Nezumi,

Yes, it tends to be rather rainy around here. On the other hand, it's not always that bad, and summer can be quite clement. I don't believe I'm "cranky" though, and I rather resent that. No matter – I've no idea what your friend is referring to. She must be talking about the food of some other nation.

Yours,

Arthur.


	6. Love and Restraining Orders

**England,**

**Sorreh, I was tryin' ta be nice and all by invitin' ya to visit meh and all.**

**Guess I over reacted a bit, sorreh 'bout that.**

**I wouldn't try making them... From what Mom has told meh, ya cookin' could use**

**a bit o' help. How 'bout I ship a batch ovah ta ya, or ya can come an' visit.**

**Maine**

Maine,

No problem at all. But I'll have you know that my cooking is absolutely fine. Though I wouldn't turn down the offer of free food, of course – thank you.

Yours,

Arthur.

**Dear Artie,**

**Y'know, when I was a little colony, you totally said you loved me! ...Right?**

**And dude, it sorta does... I mean, Japan has a restraining order on those**

**burnt biscuit things. Haha.**

**And yeah, I'm your hero~! You're too short and pathetic to defend yourself!**

**Hahahahaha!**

**From,**

**The HERO.**

Alfred,

Oh, then. Yes, yes…alright.

No it does _not_. And the only reason that Japan has that restraining order is because…well…he's no taste in food.

I _beg_ your pardon? May I remind you, Alfred, that I had the biggest empire in the world? Larger than Rome's, larger than _anyone's_. Short and pathetic indeed!

Yours,

Arthur.

**Arthur,**

**Oi! How dare that Amerique claim to have your love! I shall teach him a petit**

**lesson!**

**Well forget that outburst. Angleterre~ I assure you I am not 'ere to piss you off. What will it take for you to see that? 'Ave I not been quite obvious? I guess not..**

**He does not have a great taste in guardian! If he had, he would 'ave chosen me, like my dear Canada.**

**Aaah yes, the show-down. Frankly, I do not even know what you were trying to do. All I know is I got zis letter from you and I searched half-across the world for you... and you were surprised I had the guts to show up. MOI! Hah! As if I would neglect a invitation from you, mon ami.**

**Bye bye~**

Francis,

What the bloody hell are you talking about? Alfred…having my love? I…what?

You're not being obvious at all. You're being frustratingly vague, in fact. Would you mind terribly explaining what you're talking about?

I'm not surprised that I didn't expect you to come. Coward that you are, I'm surprised even now.

Yours,

Arthur.

**Antonia Ivanevna Braginski:Privyet, um...What did Dad call you? Oh, I remember! Iggy~**

**This is Alaska! The Last Frontier.**

**How are you Iggy? Do you eat reindeer like I do? I got them from my sestera,**

**Siberia.**

**~Nikolai M. Braginski-Jones (Alaska (Aляска**))

Hello there, Alaska.

My name's Arthur, not Iggy – would you mind terribly calling me by that in future? Thank you.

I don't eat reindeer I'm afraid, though I do eat venison. Do they taste anything alike?

Yours,

Arthur.

**Dear Arthur**

**I was thinking of getting a lot of soil and coating Sealand's homeland with it, then plant some plants, maybe create some totally new plants that thrive only on Sealand's land, expand his land, and getting more people to live and become official citizens, if you want to, then you can help, and maybe Sealand**

**will show you some more respect. You are curious about my Japanese side, well, you can say I hang out with Japan a lot, he shows me some really cool Anime and Manga I am currently on my way to your house to deliver the pie.**

**Sincerly**

**Tsuki M. Florida Jones**

**P.s. The M in my name stands for Miami, I represent South Florida.**

Florida,

I'd say good luck with that, but I feel it would be a waste of breath. I don't mind telling you I think that it's an entirely fruitless endeavor, but as I say, do as you will.

Ah, I see – so did you change your name to Tsuki, then?

Sincerely,

Arthur.

**Dear England,**

**Aww~ I'm sorry~ Didn't mean to be mean~ Yeah maybe, its happened before! One**

**time she went to China and couldn't eat anything because it all was so strange**

**so she live off of McDonalds that entire time. By the way, you ever here any**

**of America's folk songs? They are so scary...and gruesome...**

**Nezumi**

Nezumi,

No problem at all. I have, in fact, heard some of America's folk songs. To be honest I'm rather more worried about the fact that the majority of his songs are in fact ripped off mine. For example, "My Country 'Tis of Thee" is my national anthem, tune-wise. "Star Spangled Banner" has the tune of one of my drinking songs, "To Anacreon in Heaven". "Yankee Doodle" was made up by my soldiers to make fun of the git.

You'd think that with an imagination like his (which seems to be limited by neither common sense nor the laws of physics) he'd be able to think up his own tunes, hm?

Yours,

Arthur.


	7. Punks and Fairytales

**England,**

**Yeah, right! Ya cookin' stinks! As a prank, mah siblings sent meh some, an' I**

**ate them. Then Paul Lepage got elected, now mah economy is goin' down!**

**They're in da mail now, hopefully they'll still be good by the time they reach**

**ya.**

**Yours,**

**Maine**

Maine,

Were you not a lady I'd respond to that with some most unpleasant language. But as it is, I'll be a gentleman and let it slide. No matter how untrue it is.

Although on the subject of cooking I received your parcel, and once I'd ascertained that France wasn't hiding in it I thoroughly enjoyed its contents – much as I hate to admit it, they were rather good. So thank you.

Yours,

Arthur.

**Dear Arthur**

**Well, I just want to make Sealand happy, although I'm in a very terrible**

**predicament now, I almost made it to your front door with some pie, and France**

**just threw me into his car and drove me to his house, please tell America,**

**Japan, and Russia about what is going on, I'm really scared, please help me,**

**and I think you should ask America about my name**

**Signed**

**Tsuki M. Florida Jones**

Tsuki,

Oh, bloody hell. Really? Well then…I've sent a memo around. Don't get too worried, you're not the first nor will you be the last. Francis is…well, he's Francis. No serious harm will come to you, or at least nothing that a strong cup of tea won't solve. Just hang on in there and if you need to kick him around a bit – he's a terrible coward, and at any rate no doubt the others will be around in a bit.

Saying that, I might reach you before this letter does. But in case I don't, rest assured help is on its way.

Yours,

Arthur.

**Arthur,**

**Eeeh? 'Ow dare you call me a coward? Ok.. fine.**

**Per'aps it is time now to say what I mean. **

**Uhm... let's start with World War II... remember when you dragged me of the**

**beach, totally beaten and broken? I zought back zen zat I saw somezing I wish**

**I could see more often. You actually caring... pour MOI. I had not seen that**

**before. I... Angleterre I don't hate you. *sighs* Never mind forget zis...**

**Again, I am not a coward. I'd come everytime.**

**Francis~**

Francis,

Y-you mean Dunkirk? Well….yes, of course I remember that but…me, care for you? I…-coughs- I'm sure I don't know what you mean. Y-you're being ridiculous, are you sure you're not drunk? This isn't the sort of thing you usually say…you're usually a lot more…well, lewd. I… um…..

(Message ends)

**Dear Artie,**

**Haha, told ya! Still love me now, buddy? Do ya?~**

**And nor do you, dude! Oh, forgot to tell ya. Mattie totally used one of**

**those... 'scone' ... things as a hockey pick. HE WON, TOO, DUDE, IS THAT**

**AMAZING OR WHAT?**

**Yup. 'HAD'. Not anymore.~ Who's superpower, Artie?**

**From,**

**THE HERO. :D **

Alfred,

I….what? That's a ridiculous question, you can't just spring that on somebody I…-blushes- oh, bugger off you tosser. You're a fool.

Yes, yes, it's incredible I'm sure.

And as for that comment – you're an absolute wanker. You're certainly not a superpower at any rate – such a title requires brains as well as brawn, and in that department I'm afraid you're sadly lacking.

Yours,

**Arthur. **

**Hello Sir Kirkland! I'm not a country or state or anything, just a stupid**

**American who'd DIE to live in your country! ANYWAYS, so i was wondering if you**

**could tell me a story about your punkish past? I have green hair and I'm**

**pretty strange..so I just wanted ta hear what my oh-so-favorite Brit did when**

**he was rebellious :} THANKS!**

**Loves and hugs,**

**Lily**

**P.s You're super huggable and I actually love your scones!**

Lily,

Hello there to you too, I hope this letter finds you well. Having just…well, could you call this a meeting? In a way, I suppose. At any rate, having just met you it would be impossible for me to make any comment on your intelligence, but your first few sentences have assured me that you're at least more intelligent than Alfred. Now, some might say that's not overly difficult, but at least you can say you have a greater mental capacity than your own country, hm?

As for my "punkish past"…oh, for the eighties! The music then was wonderful. I'm not sure there are many stories I'd like to share on here, there may be more innocent eyes watching that are not accustomed to viewing things such as drugs or drink, but I can tell you that had I met you then we would have matched – green hair, you see. I'd say there are photos to prove it, but there really aren't. I made sure of that. At any rate, the eighties were a lot of fun. I can't think of many things I did that were truly rebellious though…I did parachute from the top of Big Ben (The Clock Tower if you're being pedantic, though I can quite candidly say that nobody who actually lives in England actually gives a damn about that) in the middle of the night once. Oh, and once I gave an impromptu concert outside the Houses of Parliament whilst Parliament itself was in session. It gathered quite a crowd - yes, I was quite the guitarist then, though I wasn't actually allowed near Westminster for a few months after that. I hope this is rebellious enough for you at least, my dear.

Yours,

Arthur.

P.S Thank you very much – obviously you've got finer culinary tastes than your country.

**:England, **

**I've tried being blunt and then in a fit of rage, violent. He doesn't seem to**

**get the message. I'm sure he's been trained by France himself to be a pervert.**

**That's a scary thought: a bunch of France trainees running around everywhere.**

**Oh well, I guess I'll just have to ask Russia for help. He might help, he**

**seems to be on good terms with China and I am Chinese so maybe I can get China**

**to convince him to help me. Just in case he refuses, can you send me some of**

**your scones? Food poisoning works wonders. (No offense.) **

**Was the character King Arthur based off you? **

**Can your brothers do magic too? **

**So if you're friends with Tinkerbell who does she like better, Peter Pan or**

**you?**

**Sincerely, **

**Just another letter writer.**

Of course France has a collection of France trainees running about. They're called _the French. _No, joking aside that is rather a terrifying thought, and I will do everything in my power to ensure it never becomes a reality.

If it's food poisoning you're after I suggest you leave my scones alone and try one of Alfred's burgers instead – they'd certainly do the trick. Good luck at any rate.

King Arthur was not based off me, he was real. Jolly nice chap as well, actually, though he had a tendency to be rather too over-zealous. I was, incidentally, the one who taught Merlin all of his trade – he was an excellent pupil. That of course was back in the day when if you threatened to curse somebody they believed you. Better times, I feel…

My brothers can indeed do magic when it suits them. As for Tinkerbell I'd no idea, you'd have to ask her. It's not the sort of question I'd ask. I'd suspect Peter Pan – as you may know she's been pursuing him for quite some time now.

Yours,

Arthur.

**Antonia Ivanevna Braginski:Arthur~**

**That better? **

**Venison is the meat of any game animal. Please be less vague. But reindeer**

**tastes good. I would send you some but I heard you don't like overseas boxes.**

**~Nikolai M. Braginski-Jones (Alaska (Aляска))**

Alaska,

Indeed. I know that, but the common association with venison is deer, and I was using it in that sense. Apologies for any confusion caused. And thank you, but you heard correctly. Scarring experiences and all that.

Yours,

Arthur.


End file.
